Your Stairway to Wealth Blog

I heard something really interesting that Tony Robbins said on a Dr. Oz show today that I had taped.   “There is no certainty in life.”

I think he’s right. I have seen so many people over the last year who have been diagnosed with one kind of cancer or another or people getting shot and I’m sure they didn’t expect those things to happen.     Life is going to be what you make it and you and you don’t want to  allow life to throw everything  it feels like your way, plan so it works out the best you want it to. At least to the best of your ability.   As Tony said, there are no certainties in life.

Each day can bring something that we are not expecting. I had one of the worst years in 2012 that I’ve ever had in all the years I’ve been in this business however, in January 2013 when I was looking back, I realized that when you are over 70, which I am, you tend to think somewhat differently.   Because so many people around me were either dying, in chemo. or sick I subconsciously made a decision that I didn’t want to work very hard.  Yes,  I worked with clients because helping other people is second nature to me but that’s about all I did so I’m very grateful that I have another source of income.

In January this year I decided that 2013 was going to be very different.   Since there isn’t any certainty anyway I want to make the most of each day so I can make a difference to people in the world in whatever way I can and make the days sunny and bright instead of gloomy and dull!

However because I have fybromialgia and I think it’s a little to do with the fact that I’m 72, to be honest there are days when I’m really tired  but I don’t allow it to get in my way.   As long as I rest periodically I get through the day even being in pain constantly.

It’s all about mindset. Each morning I decide how I want the day to look and how I want to feel that day and if I find myself slipping I go back to thinking “what did I decide I wanted my day to look like.”

That’s my little share for today. How do you start your day so you have the kind of day you want?

Through working with clients over the years and my own journey, I’ve heard many stories that resulted in being able to see that people often live their parents’ lives without even realizing it. Or whoever your primary caretaker was as a child.

You don’t come into the world with fears and doubts or expectations and entitlement issues, you learn them. From family, society, school and the world in general!

And, as you learn, not knowing any differently, what you see and hear as a child creates the story and you become an adult living life from that place.

Did you ever hear “don’t’ be so selfish” or why can’t you be like little Jimmy, Jenny
or whatever the name was at the time. This can happen in a variety of different
ways however, it’s not even what you see and hear that counts it’s how you as a
child perceive it.

When you are told “don’t be selfish” which I heard so many times I can’t count, the perception as a child is usually that you are not worthy. Not feeling worthy leads to
lack of confidence and fear and going forward you don’t put yourself at the top of the
list because that would be “selfish” and you continue to live your life without the balance you deserve.

There are very few people that this doesn’t apply to. When I was in private practice I saw a lot of A level celebrities who would come in with a completely different ‘face’ than the ones you might see on the screen. They weren’t all made up and smiling, they were working through not being able to maintain healthy relationships, fears that they couldn’t make it and usually a huge lack of confidence. Because of ‘stuff’ they had been carrying around in their head for years.

So, if you are not putting yourself at the top of the list it’s time you changed the story in your head and always believe in yourself no matter what anybody else tells you. Everybody is special but you are also unique! There’s only one of you so treat yourself with love, pride and admiration.

Lately I’ve heard the word wealth quite a lot but always in the context of money. However, wealth is about much more than just money. Wealth might mean different things to different people.

Some people do see wealth as money but it could mean so many things!  Good health, happy relationships, financial freedom,

Yes, money and ‘things’ can make life easier however it doesn’t necessarily mean it makes life better. In fact I’ve known a number of people over the years who have had lots of money but are really unhappy. Money and ‘things’ don’t always create freedom, in fact they are often used as band-aids in much the same way as some people use alcohol and drugs.

Real freedom comes from within and, as with most everything it is about the journey. 

I often think life is much like a garden. You plant the seeds, water them and they grow beautiful and strong OR you plant the seeds take no care with them and they wither and die!  Which would you rather have?

The first thing in having freedom is to be honest, not with anyone else but honest with yourself. When you run away from the truth about yourself you turn off your creativity, a really important pathway in your brain..

Sometimes it’s much easier for people to think they are being honest with themselves and to stay in denial about areas of their lives they don’t want to deal with rather than to face things head on and grow from whatever your experience might be.

So, are you healthy, do you eat healthy food, is your blood pressure OK do you excercise? Are your relationships happy, not jut the one with a partner but also with friends and family members and  do you feel like you have the financial freedom you want?

If any one of these things is answered with a No, ask yourself what is one action you could take to make a change in that area. Then start watering the seeds so they grow strong.

Life is about trust. Trusting in the Universe, people around you and most important of all, trusting in yourself.

Remember, that ‘stuff’ will always show up in one way or the other.  What does the word wealth mean to you?

As you may have heard in that old but great movie Forest Gump, life can be like a box of chocolates. There are different flavors. You may not like all the chocolates in the box but you don’t throw the box away, you decide what you would like to have.

There are a number of words to describe what happens when the result you want doesn’t turn out the way you expect. Although the words “failure” and “obstacle” are often used, is that really what it is or could you look at it differently and use it as an experience to learn from?

There are bumps in the road of life for everyone.  Nothing is absolutely perfect so it’s important to your own well being to discover ways to handle any kind of setback if it happens. If there are no plans in place, fears creep in, overwhelm pops up it’s head and stress takes over.

If everything was always smooth sailing you would not be very well equipped to deal with anything in life, especially when the outcome doesn’t turn out the way you expected. The first rough patch and you would probably be carried off in a strait jacket.

Have you ever seen the hands of a construction worker? The palms are often thick areas of skin from working with equipment. Those calluses form so that next time his hands will be better prepared for the work.

There are a few areas where ‘setbacks’ sometimes happen. Weight loss – relationships – financial freedom! These are probably the top three where the results might not be what you expected.

Imagine the stories people could probably tell! When the scale creeps up do you suddenly give up because you have one bad day, the relationship doesn’t work out, do you never date again or you incur debt so you think saving money is a waste of time!

The only time in my opinion and those of many others I know, when you can use the word failure, is when you just stop and doing nothing.

Everything will depend on how you look at it and what you decide you are going to do about it. With plans in place and the right kind of support you will bounce back and see it as a blip on the radar of the outcome you want or you will look at it and end up saying “It’s not worth it, it’s too hard.

” What would you rather do?

Sometimes it’s challenging to make it alone however, there is nothing weak about reaching out and asking for support, in fact being able to do this shows you have an inner strength!

Sometimes it’s very beneficial. This could be a friend, family member, coach or counselor. Often preferable if it’s a professional because they may have seen this many times before and can guide you.  Whomever you choose, their job is not to judge but to be a sounding board for you. If needed, they make suggestions to get you going again so you keep moving forward in a positive direction. This person can help you to keep your life in balance when it threatens to tip one way or another.

Part of bouncing back from a loss or setback is putting the situation in proper perspective. You can counter any kind of setback if you look at it a little differently.

Is it really as bad as it seems? What could you learn from it? Look to see what positives you can take away from any experience so you do it differently next time. 

Writing is very powerful so you might want to write a list of positives and negatives to see things  more clearly and to show you what you would do differently next time. And, whichever area the setback occurs write out a plan so that the same thing doesn’t happen again.  For example:

Weight – Write down everything you eat.  Maybe you need to add exercise
Relationships – Write out a list of what you would like in another person, their
values, etc.
Financial Freedom – If you incurred debt write out a specific plan of how you are going to pay this
off so you can start clean.  One way would be to cut up your credit cards!

Would it feel good to give up? Of course it wouldn’t. You would end up focusing subconsciously on your loss and this can stop you from ever achieving what you want.

You know that old saying ‘get back in the saddle’ so as soon as possible this is the key to upping your confidence and making plans to do it again a different way.

I was up recording an audio ’till the small hours last night so I started late today and you know that old saying ‘women wear so many hats’ well this morning I was looking at the list of everything I need to get done today and and suddenly the words One Hat Too Many popped into my head.

Between house, family, kids, work and everything in between women do wear many hats and often it seems one too many with so much to juggle.  So, what’s the easiest way to keep organized so you can stay on track and out of overwhelm, especially if you are a home based entrepreneur?

I found that making a list of what needs to get done, then prioritizing works great but there’s one more step I take, I keep a time log, which means I write down how long it takes me to get each item finished.   I have a printed copy on my desk and each time I start something I note down the time and I note down the time I finish.  This way I can see if and where I am wasting time and there are times when I wish I didn’t write down everything when I sometimes see how much time gets wasted but 99% of the time it works well.

I’d love it if you would share what works for you?

I spent Mother’s day with all six of my grandchildren, ages 9 – 12 yrs. old including two sets of twins.   I never cease to be amazed at the gems they come up with and although sometimes they can leave us laughing more times than not I sometimes think they have more knowledge than adults.

There’s a lot to be learned from listening to a child and today’s children are certainly a lot more open and forthright than I was as a child or even my own children.  I received cards, flowers and balloons, had a lovely brunch and dinner and unlike when I was bringing up my kids I could then go home without having any other responsibility.  That’s the beauty of being a Grandparent:)

Have a wonderful Monday and a great week.

You might notice I like to use quotes!  I do this because they are often so profound that they speak to a topic in a more direct way.

Napoleon Hill was a great one for quotes and if you haven’t ever read his book “Think and Grow Rich” whether it’s in life or business this little book is extremely powerful in helping you to change any negative thinking that might be holding you back in any way.

The latest quote I read of his is “There is one quality which one must possess to win, and that is definiteness of purpose, the knowledge of what one wants, and a burning desire to possess it.”

If you have time to comment, I’d love to know how you see this quote applying to you and your life.

Unfortunately relationships of any kind can be stressful and whether you like it or not relationships do require work!

This doesn’t just mean romantic relationships!  It also applies to relationships with friends, co-workers, and family members. We all have some kind of relationship in our lives so if you want healthy caring relationships it’s important to learn how to keep them as stress free as possible.

One of the most important aspects of any kind of relationship is not taking those close to you for granted; thinking they will love you forever no matter what, which often means abusing the relationship. This may sound harsh but it is the reality of what happens.

Let me give you a hypothetical example.   A husband who works really hard and is often belittled by his boss comes home from work and as soon as he walks in the door he’s bombarded with questions and starts to shout at his kids and his wife. So what’s actually happening?  He is taking out all the frustration of the day on his family.  This is not the most productive way to have a healthy relationship with children or a partner.

When you are in a relationship of any description sometimes it becomes easier to ignore the irritating stressful things rather than to talk to the other person.  However, keeping the feelings bottled up inside of you only creates more stress.   Out of sight, out of mind really isn’t effective and when you internalize the situation, whether you realize it or not, it can have a negative effect on your body.

Ignoring an uncomfortable situation is not a good response in any relationship especially with spouses/partners and family members.  You can always leave a job or stop seeing a friend however you don’t have a lot of choice when it comes to family.    For your own sake Instead of walking around with negative feelings which often include anger and can affect your own well being, learn to let go of your discomfort so you can deal with any issues when they come up. If you make what you say about how you feel rather than “You did this” or “You did that,” you will probably get a much more positive response.

You can do exactly the same thing when communicating with a co-worker. Being respectful and civil doesn’t mean you are backing down from what you want to say, it just means you are not willing to allow your negative feelings to cloud the issue and at the same time you make the other person much more open to listening.

Whether it’s a friend, family or co-worker the chances are the person didn’t even know that you were affected in this way.

There might of course be times that you have to deal with difficult people who, because of their own issues want to hurt you on purpose.

Sometimes your first reaction might be to give them one of those slaps you see in the movies where the other person goes flying across the table, but this is not a movie and would be very inappropriate.

You do have choices!   If it’s in the workplace you can speak to that person and let them know you are aware of what they are doing and that it’s not OK with you and you won’t allow them to treat you this way again.

If it’s a friend you can decide whether to speak to them about this or you could of course drop the friendship.  Family is a little more challenging but again you don’t have to allow them to treat you this way either and unless it’s your kids or your spouse, you may want to think about cutting down the time you spend with that family member.

The bottom line is it’s about communication.   When you harbor too many negative feelings based on misunderstandings stress can topple the relationships and also impact your health.   For your own well being it would probably be worth the effort to just deal with the situation and move forward knowing you have taken care of yourself and  maybe even the other person has learned a little something.

This is a topic that many people deal with all their lives because for a variety of reasons they are too afraid to take charge.  If you’d like to write a few words I’d be really interested in hearing your comments.

There’s a great quote by Jack Canfield where he says “Success depends on getting good at saying no without feeling guilty. You cannot get ahead with your own goals if you are always saying yes to someone else’s projects. You can only get ahead with your desired lifestyle if you are focused on the things that will produce that lifestyle.”

Saying “NO” is one of the most powerful words in the English language and whether in business or your personal life being able to say No is part of saying Yes to yourself! It’s also part of how you “Live an A Plus Life” and lifestyle.

Obviously there are times when you want to be able to say yes when family, friends or clients ask for a favor however, more often than not I hear people saying ‘Yes’ when they really need to be saying; “NO, sorry I can’t right now” or “Let me think about that and I’ll get back to you.”

We say no to children because they need to learn about boundaries so they become aware of what’s OK and what’s not, it’s no different with adults.  When you set boundaries for yourself it will grow your self confidence and people tend to have more respect for you and your time.

Next time you start to say Yes to someone’s request top and ask yourself a question. “Is this something that is really necessary or a ‘must’ or is it something you are thinking you are ‘supposed to’ or ‘should’ do.”

Although not one of my usual topics I’m participating in the Grandmother Power Blogging Campaign so I hope you will enjoy this story and I would love to see your comments if you have any.

I couldn’t find any up to date photo’s so these are from when my grandchildren were a little younger but I did want to share them.

This week is the start of the first ever Grandmother Power Blogging Campaign in which I’m honored to participate. This was the brain-child of Tara Mohr who in her 30’s knows the impact that Grandmothers can have which is why she started this blogging campaign.

Bravo Tara! Thank you for giving us all the opportunity to share different aspects of our lives and the power that being grandmothers can have on the world.

I have six beautiful healthy grandchildren who brought an unexpected light into my life. Fraternal twins of eight, Identical twins of nine, my oldest grand-daughter is 12 and my oldest grandson is 11.
I am very blessed.

When I first thought about participating I couldn’t imagine what I was going to write. However, my next thought was, “what would I like my grandchildren to learn from me” so this is about being a Grandma and a little about the great-grandmas.

I have two grand-daughters and four grandsons.     What I would like to see for them is that the girls become strong powerful women who believe in themselves and know they can achieve anything.      I would like to see the boys becoming men who also believe in themselves so they too can achieve anything they desire but I would add something for them.

I would like to think that they will always respect women for who they are and what they do and know that they hold equal status in all areas of life.   And, that all of them know the importance of giving back to society in any way they can.

These six children never cease to amaze me.   I was able to see much more of my oldest two when they were babies than I do now. I remember I used to call my grand-daughter ‘my yoga’. Holding her brought me a sense of calm and peace.   My oldest grand-son was such a delight and so rambunctious as a little boy and so much fun. We used to sit on my daughters back step, look up into the sky and count how many airplanes flew by.

As they are getting older, although always pleased to see me, they prefer doing their own thing rather than sitting with Grandma and that’s really OK.   I’m grateful they don’t live too far away and see them all at least once a week.     I love to listen to their thoughts and what they see in the world.    The inside of my kitchen cupboard doors have all their art projects taped up from over the years and at least two of them have become really great at drawing and art.   It’s a lot of fun to see them evolving.  I attend as many of their school events as I can and clap as loudly as all the other grandma’s who are beaming with pride about their grandchildren.

I don’t see any one of them being smarter than one of the others; however, what I do see is that each of them has their own gift. Right now they are like sponges and will soak up all they see and hear so hopefully with these gifts they will make positive changes in the world.   Each of them including the identical twins, have their own unique way of thinking and being.

The world is very different today than it was when I grew up and when my children grew up.   We didn’t immigrate to the US until 1979 so they were brought up in the UK.   We never worried about where they were or what they were doing;  being kidnapped, raped or shot belonged in story books.

Today as a grandmother I look at the world in a very different light. It concerns me that my grandchildren are being brought up in a world of so much violence.

When my children were growing up they didn’t have to deal with all the challenges our youth seem to have today.   We didn’t know about allergies or ADHD, they didn’t run quickly to a therapist if there was a blip in their nature or put their kids on medication.   Today these things seem to be the norm which I find rather sad.    Of course we also didn’t have all the processed foods, stress filled lives and unhealthy air that is around today either.

I’d like to think that they will always treasure real books and that they will know it’s important to have nice manners and to have a really good education and although I want them to be well educated I also would like to see them having street smarts and standing on their own two feet.

My grandchildren all know that they have a working grandma who doesn’t often have the ability to be able to spend more time with them.

Often Grandmas are the ones who share the memories in a family and leave behind a legacy to remember. Being 72 I intend to have many more years on this earth to watch them become adults and live their own lives.

Unfortunately, I don’t know a lot about the history of either set of my grand-parents other than the fact that my mothers’ parents came from Lithuania and settled in the UK and his brother went to Ellis Island and settled in the US.   Unfortunately I know nothing about my father’s parents because they died when I was a baby.   I do sometimes wish,  for the sake of my grandchildren that I had thought to ask about the family history while both my parents were still alive.

I only remember one of my grandmothers and in thinking back, one of the things that stands out for me now is what a strong take charge woman she was.   Today she would probably be called controlling!    She had six sons and two daughters, was very poor and spoke very little English and yet she was a force to be reckoned with.

I remember she ruled the roost with a rod of iron and it was expected that her grandchildren would visit at least once every week.   She had been brought up the hard way and I don’t think she knew what it was like to really have fun.   She spoke her mind and we were expected to listen. Half the time I couldn’t understand what she was saying but I respected her.   It was quite a large very dysfunctional and raucous family and yet everyone seemed to be fairly happy.

It was of course a very different world just after World War II in the UK.   Even if the women had been working during the war years, which often they did because the men were away, once they were married they were expected to stay home and take care of the family and the children. Today that would be considered a bit archaic.

As a Mother mine wasn’t so great, but being a Grandma was very different.   She adored her grandchildren, two of mine and two of my sisters and saw them all very regularly.   She had a very rough life with my father and didn’t really come into herself until after he died when they were in their 70’s.   There was nothing she wouldn’t do for her grandchildren; however, she also did it with a firm hand.   She expected them to have good manners and to behave appropriately in every situation just as she did when my sister and I were growing up.

My mother was completely deaf  and with a hearing aid had 10% of hearing in one ear so her grandchildren learned how to talk very loudly as did we all.   She wasn’t very educated and was a first generation Brit but she taught me how to be a good hostess which in the UK at that time was important to know.    Although I didn’t always like her cooking she did teach me that knowing how to cook is important.    When she was alive and lived in Miami for several months a year, she used to say, “it’s not all about take-out.”    Because she taught me these skills I was able to pass that on to her grand-daughter.

Being the woman she became, when she was 90, determined to see at least some of her great-grandchildren she came from the UK to visit.    That was the last time she was able to travel.   She died when she was 93.

When she got really sick and they didn’t think they would see her again both of my children flew to the UK to see her one last time and when she died a short time later, they both went back to the UK and attended their Grandma’s funeral.

My wish for the future would be that my grand-children grow up having fun, being well educated, have integrity and love for others and know that life is precious so what you bring to it is what you will get out of it.

If I could speak to millions of younger women who are going to one day become grandmothers I would say, make sure you always believe in yourself  and that you know how to stand on your own two feet and don’t allow fears to get in the way so you can pass this on to the generation after you.

I hope you enjoyed reading my Grandma story and that you will leave any comments you may have.

If you would like to add your story please check out the details between now and May 14th at http://www.taramohr.com/join-grandmother-power-blogging-campaign. The more the merrier and the more for future generations to learn from.